Fresh start.

I've spent over a year at home now, mostly working around the house and going to art classes and church. The first part of that year was spent in a state of being somewhat numb, mourning the loss of our little Mom and just sort of floating through the days.

Then, in December, a bolt of lightning struck - FlyLady.net, the home organizational website I subscribe to, instituted a chatroom. Having never experienced a chatroom before, I thought "what the heck!" and clicked right on in.

Long story short: Wonderful women from all around the globe also found their way into the room, and all of a sudden I was in the middle of a group of caring friends. They helped me make it through Christmas without Mom... and six months ago today, the Moderator asked me and another good friend if we would consider being volunteer Moderators ourselves. We both agreed, and spent six months of the most intense emotional work I've ever experienced. Rewarding, absolutely. Frustrating, depressing, stressful, addictive - all of those, too. Gone was the solitude I'd been craving - and gone also was any thought of creating ANYthing. Instead, I spent long, long hours at the screen with my co-Moderators, trying to motivate, energize, run interference, enforce rules, calm ruffled feelings, and eject troublemakers. Looking at the past six months, I can count on one hand the number of days I haven't been in that room.

Not. Healthy. I hit burnout Big Time, and knew I needed a solution.

Several days ago, I picked up my copy of The Vein of Gold: A Journey to Your Creative Heart by Julia Cameron. I had found the book years ago on a bargain table somewhere, and thought it would be a neat thing to read. Never did - until now. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. I read one paragraph and realized that this was exactly what I need at this point in my world.

Three days ago I made the "official" start - writing three "Morning Pages" each day when I got up. Yesterday I began consciously making time for Work during the day. It's amazing the difference in how I feel . Instead of feeling sucked dry, I already feel alive, excited, open-eyed, and ready to step out and grab something new.

I left my old job because I need to work for myself, and WITH myself. Negativity, gossip, critical thinking, complaining and whining are poisons that I seem to be increasingly sensitive to - and those things seem to multiply with the number of human beings in a workplace - or a chatroom. Positivity Promotes Productivity. And I intend to be just as Productive - by MY definition of the word - as I humanly can.